Joy in the Turmoil

It has been a long while since I've written one of these things, and I barely know where to start.

To be honest, I really, really wanted to make this blog bright eyed and bushy tailed… Don’t get me wrong, God is SO faithful; he is still on the throne, he loves us STILL. I am just in the midst of one “those” seasons.  The training season…. Oh the seasons of growing pains and jumping into the deep end! There has been NO shortage of tears, heart ache, and just simple loneliness these past 6 months.

I could sit here and tell you all about the heart ache, and the trials, and how hard my season was.  BUT, that is not who I WANT to be. Sure, the dramatic diva in me wants to throw all my turmoil on the table and tell you all about every bump, and bruise, and stolen moment. BUT, BUT, BUT GOD! 

Nope, this season God has physically showed up in my sobbing on the floor I can’t see tomorrow moments. This season, Daddy God has pushed me into a deeper revelation of his love, a deeper understanding of what kingdom justice looks like. This season I have learned how to trust him with everything inside of me for strength tomorrow. This season I have learned how important it is to CHOOSE to come in the opposite spirit when everything else around you screams just to sit down and not fight the good fight. In this season I learned that even on my worst days God continued to whisper truth that shook my core back to his beautiful gaze.  

The turmoil in my “rough” season will NEVER add up the “rough” day Jesus took for me on that cross. My “roughest” day will never compare to the little girl locked in the room that I pass every day, or the precious child in Syria who is fleeing from chemical weapons….  My “roughest” season is never an easy way out to toss up the white flag and walk away… 

Every season of joy, loneliness, or uncharted waters is a season that was pre destined before for the foundations of the earth! God never wonders away, he never lets his gaze leave us for a second…  Even in the midst of my rough season, God never, ever left me side. God brought me to this season for the plans that he has placed deep in my heart, he just needs to reveal a little more of himself through turmoil, through the pain, through the unknown…. 

The girl I WANT to be is a girl who wakes up to find the glory in EACH day. The girl I want to be is the girl who will continue to fight and learn even in the rough season. The girl I want to be is thankful that the God of the universe is constantly reminding me of who He is, and how He reaches down to me, this little soul that so easily finds turmoil in the seemingly "tough" times.  The girl I want to be, the girl I AM, will rejoice and be glad in every day, every season, and will fight for justice and freedom, always!

 So, here is to closing the chapter of this season and leaving Africa sooner than expected. As much as I hate good buys and puffy red faces, God is calling me home for a season of rest and healing…  I will be heading home September 13, and YES this was not the plan, BUT it’s HIS will, HIS plans, HIS kingdom… There are plans in the work to hit the ground running again mid December/January!

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

^16-18 So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever